Elephants and Ants | Halt the Holiday Chaos

I forgot to H.A.L.T.

Have you ever heard the expression: ‘It’s not the elephant in the room, it’s the ants in the kitchen that send you over the edge’? 

It ‘happened’ to me the other day. 

Nothing huge like a death, job loss, or accident took me to the place where I screamed alone in my car until my neck veins popped.

I hit my too-many-ants-in-the-kitchen-melting-point. Multiple small annoyances, mini disappointments, and jarring frustrations added up over the day led to my car tantrum. 

Earlier that morning, I drank two cups of coffee and skipped eating anything besides a banana. I shoved a bite of a cold leftover turkey burger in my mouth as I unloaded groceries and took the dog out to pee. I washed it down with the glass of juice my son hadn’t finished that morning then raced upstairs to change to be at a work meeting 30 miles away in Atlanta traffic. As I was about to leave the house, the UPS guy rang the doorbell which freaked out my dog, who I tripped over on the way to get the package. On my drive to the meeting, the lunatic speeding down the highway, weaving in and out of lanes in between cars, caused a bunch of us to slam on our brakes. No one crashed, but I could feel my legs shaking as traffic started to flow again. I arrived at my meeting and received a text that the person I was to meet had an unexpected delay and needed to reschedule. 

That’s when I got back in my car and let my vocal chords try to shatter glass. I was pissed. And I was hungry and tired too.

After my epic scream, my eyes dropped a few tears that sometimes brought a little more relief. And then I realized what I had forgotten to do: 

H.A.L.T.

It’s one of my go-to tools to keep my nervous system regulated, and my emotions in a non-melt down range. It helps me get through the day without it feeling like I’ve been on a roller coaster ride, and more like I’ve taken a gentle sail around a lake. 

It’s a mini-map that helps me check in with myself. 

Am I: Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired? Or a combo of these?

Think of it like an if-then chart.

If I am hungry, then what can I feed my body that will sustain me and help it to perform the many tasks I ask it to do in a day.

Am I angry? About what? At whom? Am I not getting what I want or did I not ask for what I needed?

Do I feel lonely or low? Am I disappointed? What can I give myself that I am wanting to get from someone else?

If I’m tired, how can I energize my body, mind, and spirit a little bit right now? Can I take a 20-minute power nap? Or go outside and walk for 10 minutes? Or put on some good music and have a little dance party for one?

Just like brushing my teeth or making my bed, H.A.L.T. has become more of a habit than a go-to when I need it. It’s also a reminder (when I haven’t used it before the ants come marching In) of the self-care I may have missed that day. And how I can start my day over even if it’s not even noon yet. 

The days that feel like I’m on a herky jerky roller coaster ride have been reduced. The apologies, exhaustion, and self-loathing have drastically lessened.

Like most habits, it will take time to integrate this tool into your life. But I know over time that these few simple questions will help to calm your nervous system and keep you sailing smoothly through the day.

If you want a bit more insight into how H.A.L.T. can help you strengthen your emotional health this holiday season, I want to invite you to join me in a free masterclass coming up this Thursday 12/9.

During this 90-minute event, we'll cover the characteristics of an emotionally healthy person, the best way to build awareness and acceptance of your feelings (especially in stressful times), and how to add a new tool to your emotional toolbox.

Join a (virtual) room full of women who have been, or are, in the exact same place as you: struggling to keep all the plates spinning while wondering when the holidays started to feel more manic and less magical.